An Assortment of Confusing Emotions
by flying-mint-bunny
Summary: Light Yagami appears to having feelings for the world renowned detective, L. Although they are currently working alongside each other, L and Light are actually both enemies. Due to this fact, Light struggles with his feelings for L.


"Light?"

I saw the lips move, but the word did not register in my head.

"Light?"

Again, my own name was tossed casually at me, yet I did not notice it.

Then, leaning in closer, so close that our noses were merely centimetres away, he said softly, "Light, are you okay?"

Well, that was enough to capture my attention. Blushing, I immediately pulled away. His dark eyes looked at me, with that calculating stare. My blush deepening, I wondered if he could tell what I had been thinking.

"Is something wrong, Light-kun?"

"No, nothing Ryuzaki."

Of course, it was quite reasonable for him to be curious as to what I was doing. I mean, I was staring at him after all. Probably for a long time, too. But how can I help it? Those dark eyes, that raven hair, he's just so... appealing.

His eyes then brightened, and he smiled, as if he had come to a conclusion.

"Light-kun?" he asked gently

"Y-yes Ryuzaki?"

Out of discomfort, I fidgeted in my seat. Well, what is he going to say? My mind calculated the worst possible scenario. He could say, "I've noticed you've been staring at me alot", or even worse "Do you have feelings for me?" Of course, I'd like to know the answer to the second question myself. Do I have feelings for him? Is it even possible? I mean, we're both, well boys. And it's not like I'm well, y'know...on_ that _side of the fence, or anything. I mean I've gone out with plenty of girls; I'm quite popular actually. And then there's the fact that I'm Kira, and he's L... so, of course, the situation doesn't work out at all! It's as if the whole scenario came from the mind of some yaoi crazed fangirl, who didn't really care whether anything actually made any sense! Then, noticing that Ryuzaki's mouth was beginning to open, I glanced at him waiting nervously for what he was about to say.

"Is it that you're jealous, because I'm the only one eating cake right now?"

"..."

Of course, as per usual, he is impossible for me to read. Whilst being annoyed with myself for predicting his reaction so inaccurately, another question began to form in my head. Would I have liked him to guess that I had feelings for him? I...I guess I might have. But of course, even if he did guess that I had feelings for him, he probably wouldn't have feelings for me. Ryuzaki having feelings for me - The thought of that makes me blush. Then, realizing I still had yet to answer Ryuzaki's question I opened my mouth.

"N-yes"

"Pardon?"

"Yes. Yes, Ryuzaki, I would like to try your cake."

I crossed my fingers that it would go as I hoped – with my tongue on the fork his tongue had been on.

"Well here you go"

Then, better than I could have ever imagined, he slowly let his fork cut through the soft cake, and moved the fork carrying the piece of cake on it, towards my lips.

"Say 'ahh'"

"Ahhhh", I muttered, embarrassedly.

Ryuzaki slowly moved the fork into my mouth, allowed me to swallow the cake, and then moved the fork out of my mouth.

"Did it taste any good?"

"Y-yeah. It tasted really good."

"I'm glad you liked it."

Ryuzaki then turned back to the stack of papers he had been examining. The papers contained information about all the criminals that had been killed by Kira thus far. As he examined the papers, holding them in a strange way that only Ryuzaki could, I became yet again fascinated by him. Everything about him was interesting. From his love of sweets, to his unique ways of picking things up, to his odd way of sitting... all of those unique mannerisms suited him perfectly.

In order to appear as if I was actually getting work done, I reached to pick up a one of the sheets of paper from the stack. At the same time, Ryuzaki had also chosen to pick up another sheet. Our hands touched, and I could feel the warm heat radiating off of Ryuzaki's skin. His hand lingered on mine for a moment, and then he took a sheet of paper, and gently pulled his hand away. I took a sheet too, and then glanced at Ryuzaki. He was merely reading through the names on the sheet, apparently disinterested in what had just happened.

Ryuk cackled from behind me. I had almost forgotten that he was even there.

"Well this is certainly interesting, Light. Is this some strategy of yours? Or perhaps you actually like him?" taunted Ryuk.

As only I could hear Ryuk, I had an excuse not to reply. Instead, I chose to ask Ryuzaki a question.

"Say, Ryuzaki?"

"What is it Light?"

"Umm, well," I began. The inner fan-boy in me urged me to continue, "Well, what do you think about me?"

As Ryuzaki opened his mouth to answer the burning question, Matsuda crashed through the door.

"There's been a sudden increase in the amount of criminals killed today!"

As Ryuzaki calmly answered, "how many?" I got that feeling you get when the fan fiction you're reading ends in a cliff-hanger, except a million times worse. I NEEDED to know the answer. But of course, Ryuzaki, forgetting about my question altogether began to discuss whatever was going on with Matsuda. Irritatedly, I listened to what Matsuda and Ryuzaki were saying.

"So, another 20 criminals have been killed today?" said Ryuzaki.

"It appears so", responded Matsuda.

Another 20 criminals? That's strange. I only wrote 10 names in my Death Note. Could it be possible that there is someone else possessing a Death Note? Well, that was the least of my worries. Right now my main focus was L. I need to... I need to what? There were two ways that I could end that sentence. "I need to eliminate L" is one way... but the fact is: L is Ryuzaki. Could I really do something like that? Could I? Could I mercilessly kill him, without a second thought? While staring at the back of Ryuzaki's head I finally realized, no, no I couldn't. I couldn't ever harm him, let alone kill him. Of course not. My surroundings blurred, and then changed completely, as I began to be entrapped in a fantasy of mine. A fantasy in which Ryuzaki and I were alone together, without shinigami, or a notebook that could kill people, or anything that could get in the way of our relationship.

"Light? Light? Light, wake up!" A strong sense of déjà vu accompanied the call of my name.

This time I had been so into my fantasy, that I had actually fallen asleep, on the floor. In addition, Ryuzaki seemed furious.

"Light, you can't keep spacing out like that. If you keep losing focus, how will we ever catch Kira?"

I quickly got up. "I'm sorry Ryuzaki!" I said, earnestly.

Ryuzaki sighed. "It's alright," he said, "Just get some work done." There was still a hint of anger in his voice.

"Y-yes" I mumbled, and began looking through sheets of paper. The words blurred in front of me. I hated to have Ryuzaki mad at me.

After a few minutes of complete silence, I asked, "What happened to Matsuda?"

"He left awhile ago."

"Oh. I see..."

More of that deafening silence. Then, remembering what happened before I fell asleep, I decided to ask him once again.

"Um... Ryuzaki. Before Matsuda left, I was asking you uh...," there was a long pause, as my emotions stirred inside my head, "what...what do you think of me?"

Ryuzaki stared with a blank expression. I turned away, yet still felt his piercing stare on me.

"Before I answer I have a question for you Light."

"What is it?"

"...do you happen to have feelings for me?"

I stared at Ryuzaki, my eyes wide open in shock. I tried to speak, but nothing came out of my mouth but a whoosh of air. What should I say? I **think **I do like him, but do I want him to know that? Should I tell him? What would he think of me if I said so? Should I just keep it a secret for now? My thoughts whirled around in circles.

Ryuk cackled, thoroughly enjoying my discomfort.

"Well, do you?"

Could it be possible that he hadn't already figured it out from my expression? Better to keep it secret then. My jaw hardened, and my eyes turn to stone.

"Ryuzaki, what are you talking about?" I said tonelessly.

"...I see. Never mind then."

Ryuzaki then turned back again to the sheets of paper we had been examining. I can't believe I had fooled him so easily. Ryuzaki smirked.

"In that case THIS shouldn't make you embarrassed" he said casually

Ryuzaki then proceeded to remove his shirt. He had a slender figure, with perfect, flawless skin. Skin that looked as if it would be soft to touch. The sight immediately made me blush.

"Ryuzaki! What are you doing?!" I exclaimed. My blush deepening, I turned my head away, but the vision of Ryuzaki without his shirt on stayed imprinted in my mind.

"You're blushing" Ryuzaki said, with an edge of cockiness in his voice.

"No I'm not" I insisted.

"You're blushing" Ryuzaki repeated. His dark eyes had seen right through me.

...He knows... He knows that I like him. I sighed.

With my head still facing away from him, I said, "Ryuzaki, put your shirt back on. It's embarrassing."

"Not until you admit you like me" said Ryuzaki, forcefully.

"My my, this is certainly interesting", murmured Ryuk. If I could have, I would have retorted with a "shut up, Ryuk". If only shinigami could read minds.

I turned to Ryuzaki, attempting to only look at his face, and not let my eyes wander down. Ryuzaki's stubborn expression let me know that he would not give it a rest, until he had what he wanted. I sighed. He already knew; there was no point in denying it any further.

I struggled to let the words past my lips, but I finally managed to mumble, "I guess I might like you a little..."

Satisfied, Ryuzaki put his shirt back on, and hopped back into his chair. He then began examining the sheets of paper once more.

Huh..? Was that it? No reaction at all... I tried desperately to read his expression, but it was blank. Did that mean he was indifferent... that he didn't care at all about my feelings? Hot, angry, embarrassed tears began to form in my eyes. I immediately blinked them back. Ryuk was clearly amused.

My voice shaking, I barely managed to whisper, "R-Ryuzaki"

"Yes Light?" he answered, his voice cool, calm, and oblivious.

"Y-you never answered my question"

"What question?"

Either he was pretending not to know, or had actually forgotten. Either way, for the third time, I managed to repeat, "What do you think of me?"

There was long silence. Ryuzaki then finally said, "To me, Light kun is..." (the pause between this and the next words seemed to last an eternity) "the person I care about most."

Shocked by this revelation, I couldn't manage to utter a word. Ryuzaki seemed to be looking down at his feet, unsure of what to say either. My shocked expression slowly turned into a smile. I was so content that I did not even hear Ryuk's snide remarks, so content that I felt the need to make Ryuzaki as content as I was.

"Ryuzaki", I breathed.

"Yes, Light-kun?" he whispered, his eyes still on his feet, his lips now trembling.

I moved my hand towards his face, and slowly caressed his soft cheek. Ryuzaki's eyes widened, and he blushed. Taking my other hand, I cupped his face in my hands, and brought my lips to his. Closing my eyes, I let my lips wander over his. He seemed hesitant at first, but then the kiss grew, and became more passionate. After several minutes, I gently pulled away, breathing heavily. He was out of breath too.

"Ryuzaki, I-", I started

But I couldn't finish my sentence, as L had pulled me into a tight embrace. His arms were wrapped around me, and his head rested on my left shoulder.

Into my ear, he gently whispered, "love you", finishing my sentence. We stayed in that position for a long time, both blissfully aware that we both loved each other, more than our hearts could bear.

THE END


End file.
